HALIFAX, Nova Scotia, March 31, 2026 – This is Gary—gap-toothed, unphotogenic, come-from-away Gary. Gary is Canada’s current Minister of Public Safety, and Gary has vowed to strip Canadians of all legally purchased “assault-style” firearms that the government has since (as of 2020) declared illegal.

That’s a lot of legally purchased guns. And a lot of unhappy gun owners.

The mechanism Gary is using to strip Canadians of their legally acquired firearms is the “gun buyback” program. However, the program has thus far been a dismal failure, with nearly every law enforcement agency in the country politely declining to participate and only a handful of gunowners voluntarily cashing in their guns.

Let me state for the record that I do not have a gun (not even one that was “lost in an unfortunate boating accident…”). In fact, I never, until recently, considered owning a gun (let alone using one), but all this talk about “illegal gun” confiscation by the Canadian government—with threats of forcibly taking those guns after October 30^th of this year—is making me warm to the idea of arming myself. And not just with any run-of-the-mill handgun or hunting rifle. No, siree. I’d get me one of those Rambo-style shoot-em-all-and-let-God-sort-em-out bad boys, which, if nothing else, would strike the fear of God into the hearts of whoever sees me coming.

Because that’s exactly what Jesus said we should do.

Jesus warned us that the day would come when we’d be considered outlaws simply for believing in him. And when that day arrived, we should arm ourselves, even if it means we’d have to sell the clothes off our backs to do so.

Now, I don’t think I’d have to sell the clothes off my back to buy a hunting rifle in Canada. Not yet, anyway. But it may very well take every shirt, sock, and shoe I own to acquire one of the guns now deemed illegal here, which frankly seem to me to be the only guns worth having.

The way I see it is this: Jesus didn’t want us to get a weapon to use it; he wanted us to get a weapon as a deterrent. The sight of the weapon itself—even without being used—should be sufficiently formidable to keep the undesirables at bay. I frankly can’t see any undesirables being scared off by a BB gun when they’re toting semi-automatics, so the idea is to even the playing field: If the baddies are packing AR-15s, so should we.

Like I said, I hadn’t really paid much attention to those guns until Gary threatened to take them all away. Now they have my attention and I’m considering my options.

How much do you think I’d get for a pair of “pre-loved” Guccis?…