MCLEODS, New Brunswick, April 17, 2024 – Not sure why all the “rapture dream” videos have been popping up in my YouTube feed lately, but there certainly is a bumper crop of them. The mass psychosis is reaching pandemic proportions among those who insist that “Jesus is coming back soon” to whisk them away before things become too nasty down here.

Never mind that Jesus warned his followers that they’d be classed as outlaws and would of necessity have to suffer the same persecutions that he did.

Never mind that Daniel prophesied that believers will “fall by the sword, and by flame, by captivity, and by spoil, many days”, or that the “king of fierce countenance… shall destroy the mighty and the holy people” and “shall wear out the saints of the most high”, or that John in Revelation prophesied of that same king that “it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them.”

Never mind scripture. The YouTube prophets have it all figured out, thanks to the guiding hand of the televangelists. No genuine believers, according to them, will have to suffer anything prophesied by Jesus, Daniel, John, or any of God’s prophets. Hallelujah and praise the Lord, amirite?

Only what we have here in reality is a spiritually invoked mind-worm that is infesting those who want to believe that God would never allow them to suffer the prophesied trials and indignities. Interestingly (and perhaps tellingly), all the people publicizing their rapture dream confessed to fervently wanting to have such a dream. Many of these dreams were also accompanied by a “presence” on or near the dreamer’s bed.

Here’s what we know about presences on or near beds while people are in a state of sleep or near-sleep – they’re well-documented as being demonic entities. And here’s what we know about demonic entities – they’re well able to mimic heavenly presences, as scripture tells us that Lucifer himself will appear as an angel of light.

As born-again believers, we know that a mass ascension will indeed take place because Jesus told us it would. His words are clearly recorded in scripture. But this ascension will occur only at the very end of time when Jesus comes back in glorified form with his holy angels, who will gather together the last of his faithful and take them Home. This event will be highly visible to everyone on Earth, not just to a chosen few, and all those not involved in the ascension will be simultaneously struck with the certain knowledge of who Jesus is and what they lost by rejecting him.

Any so-called rapture that will take place before this witnessed-by-all mass ascension will not be a supernatural event but very much a human-engineered one. It will involve the individual snatching away and abduction of pre-selected people (“snatching away” and “abduction” being the root meaning of the word “rapture”), likely leaving only their clothing behind as “evidence”. Of these abductees, most will be genuine believers, although some will be rapture believers, and a few will be wolves in sheep’s clothing who are in on the scheme. It will be the final solution meant to rid the world of evangelizing Christians once and for all, as after this event is publicized as the rapture among rapture-pushing denominations and they realize they’ve been left behind, what faith they had will be dissolved under their hurt pride.

Do I believe these abductions will take place soon? I have no idea. Despite the rapture being a human-engineered event, its timing is still up to God. Even the people planning the abductions have no idea when they’re going to take place. Nonetheless, they’ve been preparing for the operation for some time now, awaiting the signal. Note that it won’t require a lot of people to be “raptured”, just enough to get rid of the worst of the troublemakers (that is, those who refuse to fall for their lies) and to lend credence to the myth of the rapture so that those left behind will be soul crushed. After Jesus has allegedly come and gone without them, what will these people have left to believe in?

Some of you may be wondering how I know about the planned abductions. Did I stumble across a leaked document on the deep dark web? Did I overhear a whispered conversation? Did I bug a secret meeting of the infamous cabal?

Nope. None of the above. The simple fact is, dear reader: I had a rapture dream, too. ;D