HALIFAX, Nova Scotia, October 8, 2024 – Who we are as a person is measured by what we do when we think no-one sees us. As born-again believers, we have an advantage in this measuring process because we know that God sees us all the time and that nothing – including our thoughts – can be hid from him. Knowing that God sees us always and under every circumstance, we’re careful in what we do and say and think, even and especially when no one (except God) is around.

I was at a church service a few days ago, sitting at the back, and was startled to see one of the young men tasked with collecting cash “offerings” slip some of those offerings into his pants pocket. I glanced at the minister, but he didn’t appear to see what I saw. I left the matter in God’s hands.

We’re surrounded, it seems, by Judas Iscariots. In the world, we expect to be lied to, cheated, and stolen from, but not in a church. Judas fooled all of Jesus’ disciples and followers into thinking he was just like them, but Jesus knew from the start who and what Judas was and what he would do when it was time. At some point in his three-year discipleship, Judas started stealing from the group’s money bag and plotting to betray Jesus, and no-one appeared to notice except Jesus. Did Judas arrive in the group already fully formed as a consummate liar, thief, and backstabber, or did he become those things over time?

A soul is a miraculous creation. For us humans, our souls are made by God in Heaven and then placed in earthly bodies. The precise instant of that soul transfer from the eternal realm to time-and-space is still open to conjecture, but that it does occur is without a doubt. Just as certain is the soul’s vacating of the earthly body at death and its instantaneous return to the eternal realm.

Does our soul come desirous of all things good? I believe it does. God made our souls in his image, which means he made us desirous of him. If that is in fact a fact, then how do we get Judases? Where do they come from?

Free will. The ability to choose not only the good but also the bad has been our undoing. God knew it likely would be, and yet he still “gifted” us with the right to choose him or not to choose him. Why would he do that?

Knowing God as I do now, I know that he doesn’t want automatons as children. He doesn’t want lip-servers or people who feel obligated to serve him rather than who are sincerely desirous to serve him. He, our living and loving Father, wants living and loving children, and so he gives souls the choice to willingly serve him or not, to willingly choose the good or not, to willingly love him or not. And even those souls who willingly choose him he further tests to make sure their decision is sincere and not just a momentary whim. Those who choose against him he leaves the door open to, for a time, in case they change their mind.

What we do when we think no-one sees us is the true measure of our soul. And it’s our soul that’s judged on Judgement Day, not our bodies or our bank accounts or our credit rating. It’s our soul that persists into eternity and never ceases to exist. Our soul had a beginning, but it will have no end. Knowing this, and knowing how relatively short our human journey is and how everything we do impacts the state of our soul, how can we not be careful – even excruciatingly so – of our every word, thought, and deed?

I am terrified of the power God has to condemn my soul. I’m not afraid of the devil or his demons, I’m not afraid of hurricanes and earthquakes, I’m not afraid of war or of those who want me dead so they can plunder my body and seize my inheritance – I only fear God, as Jesus said we should. And fearing God, I am mindful, ever so mindful, to choose the good, even and especially in my thoughts.

What doesn’t sit right with God can have no place with me. I don’t want what doesn’t sit right with God to have any place with me, and yet choosing the good has made me many enemies over the years, some even masquerading as friends.

There is no free will in Heaven. I know for a fact there isn’t, but only complete and utter and willing submission to God. This is what I yearn for.

I’ll be glad when my free will is over.