HALIFAX, Nova Scotia, March 1, 2025 – The older we grow, the softer our hearts should grow. That doesn’t mean we turn into a pushover or a soft touch. No, because even as our hearts grow softer, our resolve to do God’s will grows stronger. The two – soft heart and firm resolve – are intertwined and interdependent. This doesn’t make for a pushover, having a soft heart and a firm resolve; this makes for a person firmly rooted in God but holding no grudges.

It’s critically important that you live your life firmly rooted in God and grudge-free because grudges will keep you out of Heaven and distance you from God. If you’re distanced from God, he’s not hearing your prayers, you’re not hearing from him, and the only way you can proceed along that dreary path is downward. You don’t want to go downward; you want to go upward. Upward is the only way to stay in God’s heart and the only way Home.

I ran into someone yesterday I hadn’t seen in years. We have some history between us, though not personally. It’s more an arms-length, third-party history, affecting people we know mutually. But that history is decades old. Still, and not having seen me for years, this person studiously stonewalled me, purposely looking the other way as I passed by.

My heart must be softer than I realize, because even as it was happening, I didn’t feel anything but sadness for that person. How can you not pity someone who’s still holding a grudge decades after the fact? Paul says we should be on good terms with everyone as much as possible and Jesus warns us that God won’t hear our prayers if we have a hardened heart.

As we know, everything happens for a reason. More specifically, nothing happens that doesn’t affect our spiritual well-being, whether for good or bad. So I asked God why he brought this person into my life yesterday. Was it to test the hardness of my heart? Was it to test my resolve? What he told me surprised me: He said that he hadn’t brought that person into my life yesterday, he’d brought me into that person’s life. It was for that person’s sake that we had our unexpected meeting after all those years, as that person’s days are numbered.

A grudge is horrendous chronic spiritual pain that burdens the person holding it, not the person it’s held against. My encounter with the grudge-holder yesterday made me grateful to God for teaching me not to hold grudges. You learn at some point in your life to hold grudges, and then you have to unlearn holding them. You have to unlearn holding grudges, and the best way to do that is simply to make the choice to forgive, and stick with it.

A few hours after that encounter, I passed by another old acquaintance I’d had some words with years ago and hadn’t seen for a while. He, too, used to stonewall me, but yesterday he nodded and smiled in response to my nod and smile. That’s all Paul meant when he said we should be on good terms as much as possible with everyone. Just a nod and a smile, keeping the heart soft and grudge-free.