CAMPBELLTON, New Brunswick, March 6, 2024 – God permits romantic love as a comfort to those who won’t receive his love. God also uses romantic love to test his children, to see where their loyalty lies. Jesus’ first order of business, after calling his disciples, was to have them leave their wives. This was a permanent separation. When the remnant of the children of Israel returned to Jerusalem after their Babylonian exile, they had to leave their non-Jewish spouses. This leave-taking was also permanent. Romantic love in and of itself isn’t evil, but the devil can use it as a conduit for evil, which is why we children of God are better off without it.

As a woman raised in Western tradition, I am as much a sucker as most other Western females for a happy ending that involves an impossibly handsome prince declaring his undying love and loyalty and sealing the deal with a ring. Only there is no such prince in reality, and the only one who can declare his undying love and mean it is God.

“I will never leave you or forsake you.”

Romantic love is different things to different people, but the core always involves replacing God with a person. You place your love in a person and look to that person to love you in return. And not just love you but be faithful and honest and perpetually attentive and sensitive to your every mood and whim. You set yourself up for a fall in romantic love by expecting a human to be what only God can be. And then when the beloved is revealed to be just that – a human with all the attendant flaws of a human – along come the hurt feelings and the accusations that may or may not resolve, and the ring on your finger turns into a dead weight dragging you down into the realm of compromise where even infidelity and abuse become more acceptable than being alone.

In the opening pages of Genesis, after Eve admits to her disobedience, God tells her that all her desire from that point onward will be to her husband and that he will rule over her. This is not a blessing; this is very much a curse. Eve was created as a “helpmeet” to Adam, to be his companion and equal; different, but equal. Adam and Eve enjoyed each other’s company but didn’t obsess over each other. Their loyalty was to God. This joining of equals whose focus is on God is no longer possible in a fallen (that is, cursed) world, which is why it is better for God’s children not to marry. Marriage in a fallen world, even between believers, will not only bring pain but will divert the spouses’ attention away from God and onto each other.

Jesus describes how some people become eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven’s sake. He’s not talking here about physical alterations to the body but spiritual ones. Paul states that it’s best to remain as he was (unmarried and celibate), though he also admits that such a choice is not for everyone. What he’s saying is that not everyone is willing to give up romantic love for God’s love. What he’s saying is that not everyone is willing to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. If you love God like that, with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and in so doing keep the first and what Jesus called the most important Commandment, you have no need for romantic love. You have no room for romantic love. You have no time for romantic love.

I wrote a few days ago about the difference between wants and needs. I add to these your emotional needs (also your spiritual needs), which are to love God and to receive his love in return. If you’re deprived of one or more of your physical needs for long enough, your body will die. If you’re deprived of one or both of your spiritual needs, your soul will die.

Romantic love is a diversion that shifts your focus from God to your romantic partner. As such, romantic love has no intrinsic spiritual value, but God allows it as a comfort for those who won’t receive his love. Romantic love is a God-replacement, but why would we, as born-again believers, want to replace God? Jesus said that those who are worthy of the Kingdom neither marry nor are given in marriage. Why would we, as followers of Jesus, ignore Jesus’ advice?

The pain of romantic love shows its vast inferiority to God’s love.