HALIFAX, Nova Scotia, November 19, 2024

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[Phone ringing.]

Hi, this is Lucy. How can I serve the Lord by serving you today?

Have I reached Raptures R Us™?

Yes, you have reached Raptures R Us™. This is Lucy. How can I serve the Lord by serving you today?

I have a question about the raptures.

Which one?

That was kinda my question. I was hoping that you could clarify something for me.

I’ll try.

In the Gospels, Jesus says he’ll come back at the end of time to gather his church after the great tribulation. Is that correct?

Yes, that’s correct. Was that your question?

No, I was just confirming that Jesus is coming back after the tribulation. Raptures R Us™ also claims that Jesus is coming back before the great tribulation. Is that correct?

Yes, that’s correct. Was THAT your question?

No, again I’m just confirming that we both have the same information. According to Raptures R Us™, Jesus is coming back both before the tribulation and after the tribulation. Is that correct?

Yes, it is. I already confirmed that.

So which one is his second coming?

[Silence.]

Was that your question?

Yes, that’s my question. If Jesus is coming back twice (before the tribulation and after the tribulation), which of his two returns will be his second coming? Is the one before the tribulation his second coming or is the one after the tribulation his second coming? Because Jesus says in the Gospels that he’ll come again, and the angels confirm it in Acts, but none of them mention that Jesus will come back twice, only once. So, if he comes back already before the tribulation and then comes back again after the tribulation, will that be his second and third comings? Or are both of his returns considered his second coming, as in “Second Coming: Part A” and “Second Coming: Part B”?

[Silence.]

Hello? Lucy? Are you still there?

[Silence.]

Lucy??

Yes, I’m still here. I was just consulting with my team. We’ll have to get back to you about this. Could you please give us your full name and address and let us the best time we can meet with you in person at your place of residence?

You want to meet with me in person just to answer a question?

Yes, the personal touch is very important to us here at Raptures R Us™. We’ll send a personal van team to your place of residence at your earliest possible convenience.

That sounds kind of complicated. How about if I just drop by your office instead?

Sorry, that won’t be possible. We don’t give out our physical address.

Neither do I. Thank you for answering my question.

But… I didn’t answer it yet.

Oh, yes you did.

[Click, and dial tone.]

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